is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
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I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
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I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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