She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
