I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
