2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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