First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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