I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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