it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
