I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
