i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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