im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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