At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
