I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
