would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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