using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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