hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
