Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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