I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
