I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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