I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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