also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
