I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
