Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
