3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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Church boner. Awkwardddd
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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