Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
