I wannas sexs uuuuu
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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