really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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