the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
