For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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