I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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