If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
