My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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