Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
