She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
