Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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