Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
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These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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