Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
