i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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