just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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