OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
