Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
