I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
