he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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