He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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