Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize