did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
