Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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