Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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