The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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