So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
