i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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