forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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