the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
