how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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