Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
