he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
