i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
