omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
