I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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