There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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