broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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