The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
operation have a gay friend backfired
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
