In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We don't watch enough power rangers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
