Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
