You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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