That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
