You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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