: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
