idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
