i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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