I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
