I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
