It's like God shit irony all over that family
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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