Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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