She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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