my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish my penis had a tongue
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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