I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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