I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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