Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
