The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
